Retail Hell Is Real — And It Comes With Fake IDs and Customer Amnesia

Last Thursday, I had the pleasure of having front-row seats to the worst performance of ‘We Swear We’re 18’ by a group of university students holding the world’s worst fake IDs. I say “pleasure” sarcastically, although if you work in retail, sarcasm is your first language.

They wanted vapes. I wanted peace. And as I politely (and firmly) declined to sell to them, they stood at the till making their best case like this was a courtroom drama. When that didn’t work, they moved to the front of the store to loudly announce that the shop around the corner was “so much better.” Which… I’m sorry, but if it’s that much better, why are you still standing in my doorway like lost Sims?

Anyway. Welcome to retail hell, where the customers never leave, the drama is unpaid, and every day is a new episode of “You won’t believe what happened today.”

There’s a special exhaustion that comes from saying the same sentence for the 57th time in one shift.

“The milk’s in the back left corner.”
“Sorry, but the minimum card payment is £3.50.”
“That parcel says ‘Royal Mail’ not ‘Evri’.”
“No, I don’t have a spare lifetime to explain it again.”

Some customers are fully capable of understanding, they just choose to play dumb. And when you’re running on empty, even the most innocent “Sooo… Where’s the bread?” face can hit like a brick.

If retail had a visual, it would be a dog spinning in circles trying to catch its tail. Or a toddler throwing a tantrum because they can’t lick their elbow. You stand behind that till thinking, “Is this a joke I’ve walked into or is this actually my job now?”

You know what phrase lives rent-free in my head? “I saw you here yesterday! Doesn’t your boss give you a break?” First of all, Yes! I was here yesterday. Second, I was also here the day before that, and probably tomorrow too. Third? I am the boss. But sure, let’s act like you’ve just uncovered a mystery even though we’ve had this conversation several times.

But if you were to ask me why I do it? Honestly? The money helps. Running a convenience store isn’t glamorous, but it brings in cash I didn’t expect, and it funds the dream.

It’s the anchor I’ve tied between where I am and where I want to be. And yeah, some days it drags. But other days, it holds steady enough for me to write a chapter, chase a plot twist, or keep imagining the life I’m building.

So, is retail the hardest job? It might be chaos, but it’s my kind of chaos.

Have you ever worked in retail, or survived a shift that made you question reality?
Drop your funniest or worst story in the comments. Misery loves company (and so do blog writers).

Credit: Photo by Ekaterina Belinskaya on Pexels.com